It’s sometimes hard for me to find roleplaying games that satisfy the particular goals I have. And I sometimes describe those goals as “moving into a game”, as opposed to what I describe many players as doing, which is “perform themselves”. What do I mean by that, and how do games serve these different goals?

It’s important to remember that there’s no “true” or “right” play style. Everyone has their own desires and goals and wants. Good play satisfies those goals for as many players as possible, to the greatest extent possible. I’m speaking only of myself here.

To me, “performing yourself” means “using the game as a vehicle to reinforce or play off of real-world social bonds”. That means the actual game characters and situations are less important to the player than how they permit that player to express themselves to their fellow players as a person. You can see this sort of play style in action when one person says “oh yeah that was totally a (other player name) move” or something similar. The players, in a sense, are the real characters.

On the other hand, “moving into a game” means mentally inhabiting the characters and the world. For a few hours, I don’t have to be myself, with my cares and pains. I get to be a barbarian hero, or a fast-talking smuggler, or an insecure and angry inventor, or whatever. I get to explore new situations, think about new things, and interact with new systems like magic.

Why this?

I think part of it is that I feel social anxiety. You know when I don’t feel it? When I’m playing a character.

So why is it hard to find this kind of play?

I think there’s a few reasons. Aside from personal preference, games that let you immerse yourself in characters and worlds tend to be longer running games, not just casual one-shots. Peoples’ time is a precious resource these days. It’s harder to commit to a campaign than to just get together for a night of fun gaming with a one-page indie game.

Another possible reason is that because of that shortage of time, people lack the opportunity to engage socially with their friends. Games give them a path for that socialization - performing themselves for their friends - with the game itself giving everyone emotional permission to relax and goof off.

Ultimately, we can’t expect every gamer we know to play like we want. But at the same time, we don’t want to stop interacting with friends we like just because they don’t game the way we want. The result can sometimes be unsatisfying, but that’s how it is.