The Captain's Wife

The Captain’s wife likes everybody. She’s the sweetest thing any of us have ever met, and that’s probably why nobody says anything even though we all know the truth.

The Captain is incurably romantic. That’s what makes him such a good commander. But honestly, he took it too far this time. He fell in love - actually fell in love - with a sexbot. I think we all knew, after we found out about her, that he’d never have gone with the alternatives. He was too old-fashioned.

The Captain snuck her on board and kept her secret, even from the other officers. In this day and age, it wasn’t something you talked about anyway - after all, if you own a sex android, you kept it in the closet until you were horny. After you were done with it, you cleaned up and put it back. You don’t make conversation with it.

Sexbots can make conversation to some extent, at least enough to keep the encounter interesting. But they aren’t smart, and they certainly aren’t people. They’re closer to trained animals, as creepy as that may sound. They’re just a tool for anyone who can’t or won’t try instinct locking, virtual reality, meditation, or otherwise deal with their urges.

The Captain wasn’t content with even that. He started slaving his private Space on the ship’s mainframe into her brain to improve her computing capacity. He started teaching himself about AI and mind emulation and all kinds of crazy things. He got into some really weird Illuminated cults’ message boards. He wanted to make her a real woman, like a female Pinocchio or a Galatea.

We’d have written this off as a harmless hobby, except it might have actually worked. The Captain’s wife is nice, if kind of ditzy. She doesn’t understand peoples’ feelings very well - except for those times when she shows incredible insight. It’s hard to tell. Sometimes she’ll say something that leaves us floored, but the rest of the time it’s like talking to an airheaded schoolgirl. It’s eerie, is what it is. She’s not - she can’t be - a real human being. But did the Captain’s love somehow give her a soul?